Green Thumbed?

I lived with my cousin for a while.  They had 5 acres with horses and various other farm animals and did a beautiful little garden every year.

I watched them prep and work it with little to no real strenuous effort. Sure, they'd work on it every evening and had a watering system and definitely weeded and worked on it in the evening... but it really only took 15 minutes a day after they planted everything.  So I figured I'd be able to do the same. Boy was I wrong!!

I quickly discovered that no green dwelt within my thumb natually!! I easily knew I was a bit of a blackthumb when it came to gardening!

Like, guys, I've killed herbs that are supposed to grow with little to minimal effort. You know, those ones that are supposed to sit in a windowsill and thrive with water and sun... yep.  I haven't been able to keep them alive long enough to use them... it's been a super depressing fact of my life.

Well, I really want to thrive at gardening and would love to be able to go out to the garden and pick a salad or herbs or onion for a soup!!

I decided that I was going to have to try my luck at pruning off my blackthumb and "growing" it back green (pun intended!) ... I knew the only way I was going to have any hope of a future gardening would be to start with gourds.

Gourds have larger leaves that help protect them from the elements and bugs.  They have spines like a cactus that help keep them safe and as long as you water them, they grow.

I know.  I'm pathetic.  But I'm smart enough to know that cause and effect can lead to success. And even easy success can mentally trick your brain into trying harder things! I figured it was worth a shot!

So I did! I planted,  watered, added plant food and had... some success!!!

And to my surprise, I actually had success!! I planted pumpkin, zucchini, yellow squash, onion, watermellon, and cantaloupe!!!

My onion didn't grow at all and my yellow squash became the grasshoppers' prime time special but my pumpkins, zucchini, and cantaloupe are all thriving and I feel like an absolute rockstar! Go ahead and laugh. It wouldn't be first time!

Here's the proof! My thumb may not be a luscious green yet, but it certainly is no longer black!!

Middle Child

My middle child lost my wedding ring and I kind of want to give the littles punk the middle finger.

If you're looking for me, I'll be deep cleaning and looking everywhere for my ring.

Give Me My Nap

My daughter has never been much of a napper. She's fallen asleep only about a dozen times during quiet time (and then stays up 1.5 hours later... to make me pay terribly for her mistake... or that's what it feels like.).

Before Teddy was born, I'd be hanging out for a playdate and the other kids would be melting down and the mother would say something like, "Gosh, these kids need their nap!" and I'd be completely dumbfounded. Like, I'd momentarily forgot that normal toddlers take naps on a regular basis. It just didn't cross my mind! By the time she was 2.5, I implemented quiet time for Justine and it was literally the only way I got a break from parenting. I've never looked back!

My boys, on the other hand, absolutely NEED their naps. And it's absolutely wonderful!!

Naps for my boys typically take precedency over pretty much anything. I've been known to skip fun activities I was really, really looking forward to because the boys were falling apart and I knew it just wouldn't be worth skipping their nap! I may come off as a flake but I'd have come off as an idiot if I had not canceled.

If we're not home and naptime rolls around, Teddy can and will sleep anywhere... after he's had meltdown... but cannot be moved or else.

My sister-in-law recently had surgery and Zack and I had the pleasure of babysitting her five kids! It was definitely busy but they were sweet and fun and helpful and it was such a delight to get to spend time with them! The cousins have such a fun time together!!

By about the second day, Teddy was clingy and crabby and was aching for his routine, so he did the only logical thing possible... he refused his nap... for a while.

I was curling my nieces' hair and when I was done, went to check on everybody and found Teddy asleep. On a solid oak bench. He basically crashed in no time.

And he slept like this for an hour!! Give this boy his nap!!

This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Crying. Whining. Pulling my pants. Refusing to let me even walk. Not hungry.  Not ready for a nap. Oh. My. Word.

My boys were in a mood. And no trick in my pocket full of my personal parenting tricks was working.  My sanity was wearing thin and I knew my  humanity was much, much stronger than my desire to be calm in the midst of their mood.

I didn't know what they wanted.  They didn't even knows what they wanted. I did,  however, know that I needed: a mental break before I snapped.

I took a break. I left the boys in a safe place and locked myself in my room for a breather...

All was silent. A bit of laughter. And I took a bit longer than I had planned.

And I paid for it.

This is why we can't have nice things. 

TeddyJam

Sometimes he's demanding and angry and trying and loud and wet and slobbery and messy.

Sometimes my patience is wearing and his temper is daring.

Sometimes he's undone everything I've done and demands to have more fun. 

But sometimes, just as quick as a switch,  his temper is calm and his behavior is funny and silly and chill and his belly laugh echoes, seemingly at will.

And this delightful and charming and sweet and fun little boy is what we work for.

I just haven't figured out how to bring him out on a regular basis.  

It Was FiVE Minutes of Unsupervised Play

The other day, I woke up Q-to-the-U-eezy!!! I was so sick that I took 2 pregnancy test that were big fat negatives!

The whole day, I just took it easy and hoped I'd feel better.

This is a jad-gad-spad-BAD, BAD thing. An absolute recipe for disaster per Teddy-James! He is smart and easily read the situation and in his Ted, Ted, the big white-head brain (yes, his nickname is a reference to a pimple. No, I have no intention of stopping and it's only ever said in an endearing tone), the planning of over the top mischief begins.  Luckily, in spite of my sudden -onset-feel-like-barfing condition,  I watched the little sucker like a hawk.

That was until dinner time,
when it dawned on me that in spite of whatever demon bug dwealt inside the depths of my digestive tract, I still actually needed to feed the kids and hubby!! I decided I'd make a quick meal that the whole family usually eats and won't lead me head-over-toilet and kids with-no-dinner. So I placed the baby on the patio in his outdoor exersaucer and a pile of food and hauled my queasy booty to the kitchen, in desperate attempt to feed my family asap.

I was gone for maybe 5 minutes, literally in the room directly leading out to the patio. FiVE minutes, folks. Cinco Minutos. Daseos uisalog. Cinque minuti. No matter what language I say it in, I wasn't gone longer that 5 minutes and Justine comes running in to report that her younger brother was feeding her youngest brother mud. Zack and I rush to save baby Alex's life and see clear as day that indeed, 5 minutes is all it takes to cover and be covered in mud. I quickly pulled rocks out of baby's mouth and then ran back to finish dinner, so I left Zack to clean Teddy's dirty work.

I couldn't snap a picture but Zack got this endearing photo of Teddy's antics.

Try not to laugh. 5 minutes. Nobody said two was easy.

And in case you're wondering, I'm not pregnant. The nausea was a minor food poisoning. I'm just fine!

Last Night

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far away...

I only wish this story was that cool... but I regress, homie... it's actually pretty lame but I laughed myself to tears! Maybe you'll laugh too... or slowly back away mouthng, "this lady's loooooco in the cabasa!" That, or you'll think my standard of humor is sub par. Your call, homes!

So, last night, three kids were in bed and I really, really wanted to watch an episode of my current televisional addiction... House (don't judge, you know his narcissistic brilliance makes you want jump through the screen and both hug and smack him over the head with a rolled newspaper... yes, the latter is not Christlike!)  I blame Amazon Prime. But I decided to be a responsible adult and knew I needed to clean up the kitchen because Justine needs to have a good start to the second week of school and only cleaning the kitchen was going to do that because a messy kitchen just stresses me out and makes me not be patient or efficient... thus,  ruining Justine's good start to her second week. I know, so much power in a pretty mediocre mother!

So I'm cleaning and Zack comes out from putting Teddy to be and because he's my knight in shining armor (aka, I begged him... no shame to the double... I don't care if feminists think I'm weak... I'd been parenting all day and wiping butts and faces and wanted to watch a show but other people wiping butts in faces, darn you House!). Zack is wiping the table (much more pleasant than wiping butts) and says, "that son of ours has been hunting in my home office for cough drops... he found the bag and dumped it into a glass jar and has been helping himself to the cough drops. I found the jar and put it up but he found a way to climb into my chair and onto my desk and grabbed it. He also tried to rip open a bag of chips and has found my stash of snack and now there's no stopping him."

So, at this point, I'm laughing. Hard.  Zack is shaking his heads because he has found no humor or amusement in Teddy's ongoing successful thug behavior. And by thug, I mean raid and rob his father's office of controlled contraband in the form of menthol latent medicine and toxic chemical latent junk food (you know it's true  homie, why we be playin'?).

See, we bought this house and it has doggy doors that go from the garage to the backyard. Zack's office is part of the garage that's been converted. All 3 kids are currently able to crawl into the garage through the doggy door.

And this is where it gets humorous. Teddy has been doing this but I thought he was going into the garage to love on the kitty who often takes refuge from children and their smothering tortuous ways there! He'd go in and come back out relatively quickly. Then, he'd go to my bedroom (Zack keeps a small handful of cough drops in his nightstand drawer) and come back out with a cough drop in his mouth.  I'd roll my eyes with an "I don't care to battle you" eyeroll and we'd move on.  He'd repeat this a few times before I'd firmly tell him, "no more cough drops." and lock our bedroom door. Then he'd uncharacteristically obey and not return to the room. I can vaguely remember thinking once that Zack must replenish his cough drop stash daily because I couldn't recall seeing that many cough drops in the drawer. I never once considered that he was getting them from Zack's office. I was an idiot!! Way to pull a quick one on me, you clever little booger!! I'm keeping my eye on you!!

So it's your turn to laugh at my oblivion or roll your eyes at my lame humor. Your call, Homie B (B as in blog reader), yo!

And yes, the kitchen got clean that night! Justine had a great start to her second week of kindergarten! Thank you for the laughter, Teddy!