I have been talking
to my mom and aunt about some ways to help your toddler adjust to the
first few weeks of of new baby that aren't difficult or tedious or so
much work that I won't bother doing them when I am in recovering from
labor.
For me, I have to
have a second c-section, so I will have to recover from major surgery
all while caring for a newborn and a toddler… I know, I am the
first woman to ever have to contend with such a thing. Pity me.
I am the youngest of
3 children, so I have never had to deal with the insecurities and
uncertainties of becoming a big sister. My brother and I are only 17
months apart but he remembers me coming home from the hospital very
well. And my sister remembers both of us coming home. I am certain
that at nearly 3, this will be something that Janni remembers really
well and I want it to be a happy, joyful, and happy memory for her.
Knowing my
daughter's (and probably most children as well) primary love
languages are physical touch and gifts, I have made sure to keep
these in mind when coming up with these 5 ways to help her adjust to
the new baby.
A gift from
baby/a from her: When Janni comes to meet her sibling for the
first time in the hospital, I will make sure that we have a special
gift for her that is “from the baby”. We plan on writing a card
from the baby. Janni will also be allowed to pick out a special,
baby appropriate gift for baby that she will be allowed to give to
the baby when then meet. This will help her feel like even though a
new baby is now part of our family, that she is still included and
important.
Keeping to the
routine: This, obviously, may need to be worked up to slowly.
Recovering from labor and delivery isn't a walk in the park. But
book reading, special coloring books, and continuing with school work
will help with the adjustment period because although there is a new
baby in the family, her life is continuing in many ways as normal and
comfortable.
Allow Toddler to
Be Around Baby: When I brought Janni home from the hospital, I
wanted to avoid and all things that would cause her harm or germs.
When her then 2 year old cousin asked to hold her, I bit my lip and
prayed her didn't kill her. Not even kidding. Anything and
everything was an immediate danger to her life in my mind and nothing
you could say those first 6 weeks would have changed my mind. This
time, bring home a baby with a 3 year old sister, keeping her away
would be hurtful and impossible. Allowing her to hold, cuddle, kiss,
and love on baby while encouraging gentleness will be crucial to help
her feel comfortable around the baby. The last thing we want to do
is make baby off limits and cause her to grow resentment towards the
baby.
One on One Time
With Each Parent: Janni is used to having us to herself. She's
never had to share us and when I have held another baby, she really
seems a bit jealous. I am keeping in mind that those feelings about
me holding a baby that isn't ours may be completely non-existent with
out own baby and we may have no issues with it at all but we still
want her to feel loved and valued and to look forward to time where
she has each of us to herself.
Allow Toddler to
“Help” with Baby: It's really hard to be in a situation where
you feel absolutely, completely useless. I'm sure toddlers feel the
same way. By allowing them access to things like diapers, wipes,
burp clothes, and the alike, they are likely to jump on the idea of
being mommy's special helper when asked to get them. By allowing
them to be mommy's big helper, the useless feelings are not there and
they are able to feel proud of themselves for being able to help with
the new baby.
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